不说鬼话说笑话
<span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><font size="6"><strong>董卓宴请吕布李儒等心腹，貂蝉作陪，为试诸人忠诚，卓名禅涂黑双乳。席间烛忽灭，复明后众人手黑独布手净。卓遂赏布，布笑，露黑齿。</strong></font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font size="6"><strong> <br/></strong></font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"> <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;"/><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;"/></span> <font size="4">哈哈，被逗笑了。</font> 跟着话梅笑了。 <p><font size="6">再来一个:</font></p><p><font size="6"></font></p><p><font size="6">电视台一女主持婚后几年不育，着急忧愁，去找医生诉苦说:“说我不行嘛，未婚时就怀孕过三次；说老公不行嘛，难道我们几个台领导都不行? <br/></font></p> <font size="5">有两个渔夫在海边打鱼，一天一个渔夫打上来一条美人鱼，鱼尾巴以上是个超级美女，但是渔夫想了想把她放了，另一个渔夫不解，问：“Why？”第一个渔夫耸耸肩，答道：“How?”</font> <p><font size="6">一男要跳楼，其妻大喊道：亲爱的别冲动，我们的路还长着呢！男子听后，嗖地跳了下去。police说：你真不该这样威胁他！ </font></p><p><font size="6"></font></p> <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #333333; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #333333; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font size="6"><strong>吃饭了吗？请接收短信。大象把大便排在路中央，一只蚂蚁正好路过，它抬头望了望那云雾缭绕的顶峰，不禁唱到：呀啦索，这就是青藏高原！</strong></font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #333333; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"><font size="6"><strong>~~~~</strong></font></span> <font size="6" style="font-family: 隶书;">一美女到海蜇公司联系业务，美女主动地说：“海总，我请您吃饭，咱们边吃边谈！”<br/>海总看看表，沉思了一下回答说：“今天吃饭没时间了，咱们改日吧！”</font>
[此贴子已经被作者于2008-11-22 1:37:54编辑过] <p><strong><font size="5">美女请吃饭那可不是好玩地</font></strong></p><p><strong><font size="5">先要看看钱包是不是满满地</font></strong></p><p><strong><font size="5">因为她请客是要俺买单地</font></strong></p><p><font size="5"><strong>吃饭间拉广告谈赞助是必然地</strong></font></p><p><font size="5"><strong>到那时饭再香也是难以下咽地</strong></font></p><p><font size="5"><strong>所以美女请吃饭改日俺也是不干地</strong></font></p><p><font size="5"><strong>就怕软磨硬泡电话连续不断地</strong></font></p><p><font size="5"><strong>老爷们儿有时是抹不开面地</strong></font></p><p><font size="5"><strong>总结教训就是不能随便乱发名片地</strong></font></p><p><font size="5"><strong>现在俺知道怎么办哩</strong></font></p><p><font size="5"><strong>让美女找刘良这个心甘情愿地</strong></font></p><p></p>
[此贴子已经被作者于2008-11-23 14:08:12编辑过] <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 101.55pt; TEXT-INDENT: -43.8pt; mso-para-margin-left: 5.5gd; mso-char-indent-count: -2.92;"><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 15pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">俺看了以下经典故事非常气愤，希望大家批判。</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 101.55pt; TEXT-INDENT: -43.8pt; mso-para-margin-left: 5.5gd; mso-char-indent-count: -2.92;"><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 15pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 101.55pt; TEXT-INDENT: -43.8pt; mso-para-margin-left: 5.5gd; mso-char-indent-count: -2.92;"><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 15pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 101.55pt; TEXT-INDENT: -43.8pt; mso-para-margin-left: 5.5gd; mso-char-indent-count: -2.92;"><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 15pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">女人看</span></span><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 16pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">完后会火冒三丈的十个经典故事</span></span><b><span lang="EN-US" style="BORDER-RIGHT: windowtext 1pt; PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; BORDER-TOP: windowtext 1pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; FONT-SIZE: 15pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; BORDER-LEFT: windowtext 1pt; COLOR: white; PADDING-TOP: 0cm; BORDER-BOTTOM: windowtext 1pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm;"><p></p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><p><font face="Times New Roman"> </font></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><p><font face="Times New Roman"> </font></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">1</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">、女儿告诉妈妈，因为妈妈反对她和男朋友恋爱，她的男朋友服安眠药自杀了。母亲一惊：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">自杀啦？</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">女儿说：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">还好，他吃错了药，没死。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">母亲说：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">我早就说过，他这个人马马虎虎，大大咧咧，成不了大事。你看，连这点小事都搞错，怎么能托付终身呢？</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"<br/><br/> </font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">不要指望女人认错，她们没有认错的习惯。错一千回，她们就有一千个理由为自己开脱。人命关天又怎样？正确的依然是她。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><br/><br/><br/><font face="Times New Roman"> 2</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">、女教师在黑板上画了一个苹果，然后提问：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">孩子们，这是什么呀？</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">孩子们异口同声地回答：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">屁股！</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">女教师哭着跑出教室，找校长告状：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">孩子们嘲笑人。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">校长走进教室，表情严肃地说：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">你们怎么把老师气哭了？啊！还在黑板上画了个屁股！</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"<br/><br/> </font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">把苹果画成了屁股，还好意思哭，还好意思告状，了不起。一事当前，女人喜欢从别人身上找毛病，总是越想越委屈。常言说，人非圣贤，孰能无过？圣贤会有过错，女人不会有。她们永远正确，即使错了，也是一副对的姿态。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><br/><br/><br/><font face="Times New Roman"> 3</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">、晚宴上，火箭专家向大家透露：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">最近，我们要把几只老鼠送到火星上去。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">话音未落，一个美女插嘴说：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">这样灭鼠，成本太高啦！</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"<br/><br/> </font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">女人凭直觉办事，觉得事情是什么样就是什么样，不调查研究，不进行理性思考。毛主席说过，没有调查研究，就没有发言权。没有发言权，女人照样发言。她们自我感觉良好，根本不把别人的意见当回事，漂亮女人尤其如此。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><br/><br/><font face="Times New Roman"> <br/> 4</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">、一个女人走进邮局，要了一张电报纸，写完后扔了。又要第二张，写完后又扔了。第三张写好后，她递给报务员，并嘱咐尽快发出。女人走后，报务员对这三份电报发生了兴趣。第一份上写着：一切都结束了，再也不想见到你。第二份上写着：别再打电话，休想再见到我。第三份的内容是：乘最近的一班火车速来，我等你。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><br/><br/><font face="Times New Roman"> </font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">如果前两封电报发出去，一切都结束了。可发出去的是第三封，终点又成了起点。邱吉尔说，世上有两件事最难对付，一是倒向这边的墙，一是倒向另一边的女人。假如女人真地倒向了另一边，干脆放手就是了。可有时候，她们摇摆不定。她说恨你时，也许心里已经有了你；她说不恨你时，也许已经不把你放在心上了。你没法把她的话当真。因为反复无常，跟她们打交道得凭运气。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><br/><br/><br/><font face="Times New Roman"> 5</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">、一个金发碧眼的女人上了飞机，在头等舱坐下。空姐过来检票，告诉她：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">您的机票是普通舱的，不能坐在这里。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">女人说：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">我是白种人，是美女，我要坐头等舱去洛杉矶。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">空姐无可奈何，只好报告组长。组长对美女解释说：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">很抱歉！您买的不是头等舱的票，所以只能坐到普通舱去。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">""</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">我是白种人，是美女，我要坐头等舱去洛杉矶。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">美女仍然重复着那句话。组长没办法，又找来了机长。机长俯身对美女耳语了几句，美女立马站起身，大步向普通舱走去。空姐惊讶不已，忙问机长跟美女说了些什么。机长回答：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">我告诉她头等舱不到洛杉矶。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"<br/><br/> </font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">这样的智商还想坐头等舱，真是岂有此理！有人说，漂亮女人不读书。不读书，靠什么混呢？靠脸蛋。白种人、美女，凭这两条，就敢往头等舱里混，而且理直气壮。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><br/><br/><br/><font face="Times New Roman"> 6</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">、一个漂亮的女推销员上门推销洗涤用品，获得巨大成功。有人向她讨教推销技巧，她眼里闪着亮光说：</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"</font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">很简单。我专捡夫妇两人都在家时去拜访，对那位丈夫说明来意，详细介绍产品的性能和特点。最后告诉他，不必马上买，可以等下次来时再说。这时，旁边的女主人往往表现出积极的态度，赶忙买下我的东西。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">"<br/><br/> </font></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">也许你能找到不吃饭的女人，但绝对找不到不吃醋的女人。醋的滋养，使女人成精。也许她们没有太高的智慧，但有的是花招儿和心眼儿。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black;"><br/><br/><font face="Times New Roman"> <br/> </font></span></p>
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